Liberals- fear not!

As a crazy left wing nutjob, I exposed four pillars of the liberal agenda to some of my coworkers today.

• Gay Marriage: 40% of heterosexual married couples would disband and take up a marital and sexual relationship with a person of the same sex if only legislation could be passed officially sanctioning such a union. My coworkers expressed disbelief, but I reminded them that we were living in a Red state. That cleared things up pretty much, because it doesn’t take a big stretch to realize that the Blue states are brimming with fags and dykes eager to bask in the glow of a Rainbow-themed American Flag.
• Breaking Christianity’s iron grip on government: Liberals were only a few million votes away from realizing the long held dream of tearing down the White House, rebuilding it as a Mosque, abolishing the Protestant religions, and getting the Koran into as many people’s hands as possible.
• Giving comfort to our enemies: The long term goal of dismantling our armed forces and, not only giving terrorists no questions asked visas, but free flight training to boot, will have to wait another 4 years.
• Abolishing ‘Homeland Security’: With this narrow presidential election loss, the God-Sponsored, apple pie flavored, authentic Red White and Blue bit of legislation known as the Patriot Act will be providing umbrella protection over true Americans for untold years to come. By secretly investigating the reading habits of Americans who use public libraries, the government can thrwart hell-bent terrorists, or more accurately, as true liberals know, heaven-bent soldiers of the New World Order from wreaking havoc on Republicans and swing voters who voted the “God and Country” ticket. The pesky business of gag orders is necessary to prevent liberal librarians who have infiltrated the system from tipping off terrorists. (Pesky here only in that the Constitution may have to be circumvented to provide safety and security.)